Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's top entertainers spent their broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access arrangement for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas tune targeting the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the new plan which permits international citizens to buy U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for $5 million. An official website guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One note here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the scheme is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll ratings amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.