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This period marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions validate your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {